i am a mystery, even to me

sometimes i ask myself
why am i still alive?
many times i felt useless
many times i felt like running away
or vanish into thin air
gone with the wind

many times i failed
many times i survived
many times i regretted
many times i cried

but that many times were becoming a routine
not that i feel proud
or happy
just trying to figure out
who am i
the real me
that not even myself know.